I Am Linda

Breat Cancer History - Part 6

So Monday (5/1) after I received 'the news' I was sitting in the surgeons office.  Dr. Edwards was very cautious not to spend much time talking about mastectomy.  Rather, he assured me that the size and other indicators in this tumor made it a good candidate for a lumpectomy (remove just the tumor and a small amount of surrounding tissue), followed by radiation, at a minimum. 

Next steps?  Schedule an MRI to get additional confirmation of what we are dealing with and pencil in a date for surgery.  OK - this sounded easy, I thought.  The MRI was scheduled for the very next day, 5/2 at 4:0opm and surgery was scheduled for the morning of Friday, 5/12.  Pre-op blood work, EKG and paperwork would be done at the hospital on Friday 5/5. 

Jerry and I arrived at Wolfson's for the MRI and were informed that they were several hours behind schedule (apparently some lady ahead of me freaked out in the confined space!).  We used the time to have lunch and otherwise share some time together; something we rarely have the opportunity to do.  For a couple of hours we laughed and chuckled, trying to make the best of a bad situation. 

The MRI was uncomfortable, but not painful (if you don't count the multiple efforts that were made to find a 'good' vein through which to inject the dye). I think Jerry was in worse pain than me as he stooped over and held my hand through the entire procedure - almost an hour.   As we left I was told that they would expedite the report to Dr. Edwards.

On Thursday, I had a hair appointment with my friend and confidant, Gary.  Having my wits about me, I told him what was happening and asked if he could help me get a wig, should the need arise.  It just seemed like a good idea to put my team in place.

Not having heard anything about the MRI results, the next day I stopped by the Dr.'s office after having my pre-op work done.  Jason checked the system and told me that it was still 'in progress'.

Another weekend without knowing.

Early Monday afternoon, 5/8 the phone rang --- it was Dr. Edwards.  "I have the results of the MRI back and everything looks good on the right breast.  There is, however, an area of concern on the left that we'd like to look at a little closer.  Jason will get you an appointment for another mammogram and ultrasound."  When Jason came on the phone the appointment was already set for 12:15 pm the following day. 

I just remember sitting there - dazed and confused.  I called Jerry to give him the news.  Within minutes, he was by my side.

L

Breast Cancer History - Part 5

Information was a little inconsistent about when I would receive the results of the ultrasound core biopsies.  My conversations with the radiologist and her concerns were worrisome.  Dr. Edwards thought I would know the results in 24 hours.  The radiology tech was very clear that someone would call me and specifically asked for a number where I could be reached.  Yet my post biopsy instruction sheet indicated I was to call the center in 48 hours, after 3:00pm.  Today was Wednesday.

Thursday came and went with no call.  Friday morning Jason at Dr. Edwards office called to make my follow-up appointment for Monday morning. It didn't occur to me until after I hung up with him that they might already have the results.  The rest of the morning and early afternoon moved at a snails pace.

Jerry called repeatedly throughout the day to ask if I had heard anything.  At 3:00pm I called the center myself.  I was told that the person who had the information had just stepped away from her desk but was assured that a note had been left requesting that I get a call back.  I called again at 3:30 and got the same story - "She's still seems to be away from her desk but the note is sitting right there. She'll call you back when she gets back."

I called at 4:00.  Same story. I then called Dr. Edwards office  to explain my situation.  "I'll put a note on Jason's desk and he'll call you as soon as he gets back,"  I was told.

I called the breast center again at 4:15 and got voicemail.  I called again at 4:30 and got the a message that the office was now closed.  I was pissed and in a panic and immediately called Jerry.  He'd been angry all afternoon about this situation and this made him livid.

At 4:40pm, Friday April 28th, the phone rang.  It was Dr. Edwards.  All I remember him saying is, "There is a problem," and then a moment or two later I heard the words "invasive ductal carcinoma."

"You have lots of options," he assured me.  But I could hear the distress in his voice.  It must be terrible to have to give people this kind of news.  Kindly, he suggested I try to have as a good a weekend as I could, under the circumstances.  "I'll see you Monday morning," were his final words.

I recall the rest of the afternoon and evening as something akin to a drug induced numbness.  I didn't know what to think, but I knew I had to think positive.  Still, I was concerned about what this meant I would have to go through over the weeks and months and years to come.

When I called Jerry he left work and was by my side immediately.  At dinner he continued to reassure me, but I was gone.  My mind kept drifting in and out of places I preferred not to go. 

Back home, I prepared to step in front of a new class the next morning at 8:00am.  At about 11:15pm the phone rang.  It was the restaurant.  I had left my purse on the chair.  In retrospect, this was to be the first of many things I forgot, ignored, overlooked, misplaced or otherwise screwed up over the next several weeks. 

I had finally found my limit.  I had finally found out how much I could and could not handle. 

L

P.S. Please visit www.brownnosingonline.com for information about the Brown-Nosing 101 project and a glimpse into how this diagnosis has affected my brown-nosing effort.

History - Part 4

I stopped to pick up my previous films on my way to Baptist's Breast Center once I arrived  was 'processed' fairly quickly.  This was the first time I had been in for follow-up work that was considered a concern and I was surprised at how quickly and accomodating everyone was, given that I was an addition to the schedule.

After what seemed to be a gazillion additional mamograms of the right breast and an hour on the ultrasound table, the radiologist came in and began to view the ultrasound images herself.  She seemed to be increasingly concerned and said she thought several areas should be biopsied immediately.  The call was made to Edward's office and the authorization was faxed over. 

I went out to the waiting room to talk to Jerry.  At this point I had two concerns - one for me and one for the fact that I was starting a new class that evening and needed to be home in time to gather my materials, change my clothes and get to class.  There was some concern about the timing so Jerry agreed to call the campus and let them know I might be a few minutes late.

After just a short while I was called back to ultrasound and over the course of the next 45 minutes had four areas biopsied and additional mamograms taken.  I left the center with a bandage wrapped around my chest, an ice pack on my breast and feeling light headed.  In retrospect, I believe some initial shock was now setting in. Everything looked surreal and  nothing made sense anymore.

One hour later I was standing in front of a class, a little off my game. 

History - Part 3

For the next two weeks I tried to put this whole ordeal out of my mind and for the most part, I was successful.  Occasionally a thought would drift to the surface of my mind but since it did no good to speculate, I managed to toss them aside well - if I do say so myself.

On 4/24 my partner, Jerry, and I met with Dr. Edwards.  Besides being heralded as a competent surgeon this guy had one of the best bedside manners I have ever seen.  After reviewing a copy of the radiologist report and a physical exam - along with his soapbox speech about breast self exams (message received) - he helped me understand the process. 

I would need to go ot the breast center for additional right breast mammograms along with another ultrasound.  He also informed me that just behind the area in question was a large cyst that we could aspirate in his office right then and there or we could wait for the biopsy and then if surgery was warranted, remove it then. 

Believe it or not, I couldn't even make that decision.  The look of concern over what was unfolding must have been apparent because he took control and said, " let's take care of the cyst right now and then that part will be behind us."  OK.  OK.  Ok.  Whatever.  I had turned from a competent, intelligent decision maker in charge of my life to someone who couldn't even process the information and options that were coming at her.  I do remember asking him how he would know where to insert the needle  -- and I think he said he could feel the cyst clearly.  Whatever.

Jerry held my hand (as I crushed his fingers) while Dr. Edwards inserted the needle and quickly aspirated the cyst.  It was brief, but painful...and little did I know would be nothing compared to what I was about to go through.  Edwards was great - he looked me straight in the eye while touching my shoulder asking, "Are you OK? Are you OK?"  He's either very good at brown-nosing his patients :-), or in addition to being seeminly incredibly competent, he's a nice guy, too. 

When Jerry and I left we both felt good about him and the staff we had just met, including Jason his CNA who had me scheduled for an appointment with the breast center two days later.  "Wow, " I thought.  "This is quick.  I wonder what this means?"

History - Part 2

OK - before things start to gallop away, I have to get caught up with my thoughts. 

I awoke on April 5th somewhat confused and fearful.  I had asked Dr. Walker if he could do the biopsy but since the facility was not equipped to for this I felt a little lost.  Where do I go?  What do I do?  The good news is that Dr. Myer's office called to help me think through the process. 

I was given two options.  The first was to go to Baptist Medical Center's breast center where undoubtedly there would be another round of films and ultrasounds before the biopsy was performed.  In essence, a second opinion.  The other option was to contact a surgeon and start there.  I was confused about the difference in approach and the implications with my insurance, so I made a call to the insurance company.

Empathetic but not offering much advice, I was told that no second opinion was required. "Do what  feels most comfortable for you".  I appreciate the sentiment, but nothing felt comfortable. I had just been told there is a 'concern'.  This is not comforting.  This was my first real decision point and I felt paralyzed.  Resisting the urge to do nothing I quickly decided to choose door number two - start with a surgeon who, I hoped, would guide me through the process.  Frankly, I needed someone to take care of me and I hoped that the surgeon would fill this role for a while.

My next step was to call a friend.  My friend Jeannine.

Jeannine's family has been in town forever and her sister is a bit obsessive (so says Jeannine) about checking out doctors before 'employing' them.  I knew that if she had a recommendation the research would have already been done.  Dr. Jefferson Edwards was recommended and I called his office on 4/6. 

I was informed that he was out of town and could not see me for two weeks. Since he came so highly recommended I chose to wait - a decision I will never regret.  My appointment was set for 4/24.

History - Part 1

Before things move along I want to recount the days and weeks leading up to my diagnosis so those moments don't escape me. 

This all began as the result of a routine, annual screening that took place on March 7th.  As I left the imaging center I felt good that I had taken this important step to safeguard my health and proceeded to go about my business.  On March 17th I received a letter from the radiologist who observed an area on the right that he believed to be benign, however it was recommended that a follow-up mammogram and ultrasound be performed to confirm this. "OK", I thought.  "I've been through this before and it has always been nothing, but I'll play."  Since this would require a referral from my doctor, Dr. Myers, I put the letter aside to discuss it with him during my annual exam that was already scheduled for 3/30. 

My follow-up was on April 4th, one day before my birthday, and while on the ultrasound table the interpreting radiologist, Dr. Walker, came in to tell me that he was very concerned about what he was seeing and recommended an ultrasound core biopsy.  He was so concerned that he asked if there was someone with me who I'd like to bring into the room to hear this. "This is not good," I thought.  I'd never had this level of concern before.

Within 2 hours my cell phone rang.  It was Dr. Myers.  Apparently the radiologist, Dr. Walker had called him immediately.  "This is really not good,"  I thought.  Happy birthday to me.

L

P.S. Be sure to check out www.brownnosingonline.com for more about how this has affected my other project, Brown-Nosing 101.