Decisions

To say that this ordeal has been nothing more than one long decision making process would be an understatement. 

From the very first moment - starting with the choice to schedule my regular mammogram,  I have had to make decisions about what doctor to use, what facility to visit, what options to select, who to tell, when to share information and what to tell people. 

Add to that the choices about priorities, how to spend my time, rearrange my schedule and my plans and what I should or should not do differently as I move through this and on with the rest of my life.  I have clearly had a few moments when I realized I could have made better choices but overwhelmingly it has become apparent to me that a couple of new choices now had to be a regular part of my life.

First, I need to choose to be honest.  I'm usually honest, but at great risk to myself I have often withheld my true feelings if I perceived they might cause others discomfort or pain.  In retrospect I don't believe this as been wise or fair.  It has certainly spared others but it has also be deceitful in a way since those in my life have not always had the benefit of knowing the real me. 

A second choice, one that I seem to have put on the back burner for a number of years, is to take more vacations.  I am who I am as a result of a life full of interesting (though not usually dangerous) adventures and exposure to people and places.  These experiences have always filled me with insights that I now constantly draw upon in my new chosen professions - teaching and writing.

It is fitting then, that I would exhibit my new independance from old choices and exercise my right to make new one by spending some time out of town.  My sister, Patty and her husband, Len, graciously invited me and the dogs for a holiday visit and since it looked like the last opportunity I would have to get away for a few days before radiation treatment begins, I decided to make the trip.