The weeks leading up to my diagnosis and the subsequent weeks of diagnostic procedures until my surgery were some of the most anquished of my life (ya' think?). Who to share information with and when to share it became the most difficult decision I had to make. (Little did I know that was just the beginning of difficult decisions).
Once I was told there was 'a problem' I knew I had to tell my family and closest friends . But when? I learned of 'the problem' i.e invasive ductal carcinoma on Friday, April 28th at 4:40pm. Do I call my friends and family and ruin their weekend? Do I call on Monday and ruin their week? Do I have enough information to answer their questions? After a few days of shock I did call my sister, Patty, who became my point person for information sharing. I could always count on her to be there and I could always count on her to call if I hadn't phoned with an update.
My call to her was very difficult because I knew that I was not only giving her bad news, I was also changing her medical history with a single phone call. It was heartbreaking to hear the concern in her voice as she said told me she had been less than diligent with own her screenings.
Though Patty and I talked at length about when to tell my parents, it was still a difficult thing to think about. I am not a parent, so I can only imagine how difficult it would be to receive such a call from my own daughter. It was not the natural order of things. Parents are not supposed to have to deal with dangerous diagnoses in their children. Everything about this felt so terribly, terribly wrong.
A follow-up with my surgeon, Dr. Edwards, was scheduled for Monday after I received the news and an MRI was scheduled for the next day which would provide more information. Should I wait until after the MRI results to call my mom and dad? That's what I thought I would do. But after the MRI results showed an area of concern on the opposite breast as well, I worried I still didn't have enough information to quell their fears and concerns.
The burden was very great and in the end, my wise friend Jeannine and my wise sister Patty both suggested that I might feel better if I told them. They were right, but that call was the toughest one I have ever made - to anyone.
There is no easy way deliver bad news so I practiced what I would say and how I would deliver the message many times before I actually called. The lump in my throat and the pounding in my chest made it almost impossible breath, let alone talk. I made the call and made sure they were both on the phone so I only had to say it once. Forever, these words will be indelibly be etched in my mind.
"Mom, Dad, I want you to know this is the most difficult call I've ever had to make to you and there is no easy way to say this. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer."
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